The kind of love my heart wants…

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you show me yours

Love is Simple…it is not filled with conditions, restrictions, expectations or demands it is just love.  Unconditional love begins with loving the self and sometime setting our own boundaries is the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and for others.  How honest and clear in our thoughts and communication with ourselves and others with what we want?  Are there things that need to be healed within your being so you can create the life of your dreams? We know that attachments will weigh us down while releasing what no longer serves your highest good will helps you ascend. The choice is yours, and it is a choice, do you want to learn through love or do you want to learn through pain…choosing the path of love feels so much better.  Sometimes finding the space to simply be love and be in love requires us to remove the old scaffolding of thoughts, patterns and triggers that do not serve and are not love; we need to take that leap of faith and vulnerability if we want a different kind of love in our lives.

We are all energy and vibration and music inspires me, some more than others.

 Tell Me What you want, Shawn Madden Updated link


Tell Me What You Want is the title of a song, asking a lover what is wanted and the words stopped me in my tracks.  The song wasn’t written for me and yet I took it as an invitation from my lover, as I listened it was so personal I was forced to think about it, what DO I want and what do I need?  The song invoked a clarity and honesty of expression that surprised me and I was compelled to write it down and share it.  I wrote the part below months ago and I have gone back to many times since writing it as a reminder of my hearts truth.  Here is my clarion call to the universe, from an open heart.

I want everything, and yet nothing not freely given. I have been calling for my partner in love and life.  I offer the invitation for my partner to come to me whenever ready to step into this uncharted space of the heart and soul and not a second before.  To hold a space for the courage to unabashedly jump into the abyss of the uncertainty that is love.   I offer the space with a compassionate detachment and without expectation.

I have called for the one that is divinely best for both of our highest selves on this path.  To hold a sacred space for Union, the space where the two can become one and in the perfect moments all else fades away.  Where the ignition of that spark and combustion from that union creates a state of bliss.  To be a mirror reflecting the most shining aspects of ourselves back at each other and to embrace the moments when the ego affords the same lessons for growth in the dark aspects.  Helping one another clear the old ego triggers and patterns.  Living with pure definition of love.

To be honored as a goddess so that I can treat my man like a god.  The receptive space where I can pour my nurturing, loving tender heart, deliver the caress of my hands, and fill the space between my arms in an embrace.  The canvas that I can simply be an expression of love, where I can simply be my most effortless expression in the moment.

For our smiles to creep into the corners of our eyes and make our souls shine.

For starters, want spend time with me, delight me, make me think, laugh, and feel so that in return I can do the same.  The want and desire to keep finding new ways to delight and excite each other; touches that light my soul on fire, neck kisses that make my knees weak.

I want to love with every ounce of my being and have it returned without expectation, guile, manipulation…the truth of Love is nothing but love, I want to touch the essence of love and never again confuse the beauty of what love is with anything else.

I want to be the one my partner chooses above all others, comes to me as a conscious choice and continues to make that choice.  One who is ready to be naked of soul, vulnerable of heart and can see through the confusion of the past in to a new space of possibility.

To be held, heard, inspired and to be an inspiration, to live, love and laugh together.  To honor each of our hearts calling and be pillars of support on manifesting our dreams…holding together the space where our lives can dovetail together, making each of our lives better for it.  To be a safety net and a shoulder in the face of challenge and when the sadness creeps in.  To recognize that we both hold scars and wounds, some that reach to the bone, but to honor them with compassion and loving kindness to move past them.   To hold and be held in a space where truth, honesty, communication are essential for both of our spiritual, mental and emotional growth.

I want the space for it all without being limited to what my mind can currently imagine. Life is too precious to be wasted on doing things that I do not enjoy.  I want to be love and my beloved to hold that space with his divine presence.  I invite that being in to this sacred dance that is life and love with me.

This is what I want.

Opening the Heart to Infinite Love

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I encounter many people, who like myself, need to practice and learn how to have an open heart. That can mean so many different things…feeling loving towards yourself and others, compassionate, open and receptive are all aspect of it. However we often overlook the physical component of having an “open heart”. Think for a moment about the anatomy…the physical heart, lungs, sternum, ribcage, diaphragm, all of those big and small muscles, cartilage, tendons and ligaments. There is a lot going on in there. When we have had the same patterns over our lives (for whatever reasons, illness, trauma, just life) some of that anatomy is not at its optimal functional capacity, thus making an “open heart” difficult on both a physical and energetic level. Physical structures are restricted from misuse or neglect. If someone feels threatened, by anything real or perceived, the ironic response to feel protected is to hold the breath or shallow breathing. We acquire defensive and erratic breathing patterns that restricts the normal movement of the diaphragm and in the worst cases trigger the secondary breathing muscles to kick in and become the norm.
A simple practice that I encourage for clients working on opening their hearts both physically and emotionally it to sit in Reverse Prayer Pose or Pashchima Namaskarasana, “An offer of gratitude and contentment.” This posture helps to open the chest, heart and lungs and strengthening the wrists and arms. This posture makes the connection between both heart chakra (Anahata in Sanskrit means unhurt, unstuck or unbeaten) and from the Chinese Medicine perspective both the heart and its partner the small intestine channels (each running along the arm to the little finger). Ideally, in this posture the little fingers are resting directly along the spine in between the shoulder blades engaging both energetic systems as well as literally opening the chest by rolling the shoulders down and back. This is a position that most of us do not normally engage. If this posture is difficult at first remember that the most important aspect of the posture it to open the chest. If you need to begin by simply holding your wrists behind your back start there. Keeping in mind the shoulders need to be down, imagine if you will someone gently placing their hands on your shoulders to lower them down away from your ears, then roll your shoulders back so that you feel the shoulder blades engage, turning inwards towards the spine. Hold this posture for a few minutes daily while focusing on your breath, setting your intentions to have a clear, open and receptive heart. Making the connection between the giving and receiving aspects of our heart chakras creates balance and harmony. As you continue the practice notice your mind and heart begin to clear as you realign the physical aspects included in this posture.

When I started, and I mean REALLY started this journey of healing there were things that were painful to do. I was grossly overweight, had a slight curve in my spine from scoliosis and curved shoulders (kyphosis) from being asthmatic. Those things combined made seated meditation very, very uncomfortable and postures in yoga that are described as relaxing or restorative like child’s pose were painful enough to almost bring me to tears. Looking back I can see that those physical adaptations of my body also affected my energy bodies and chakras. I was committed to meditating at least twice a day for at least 20 minutes each session (thankfully, I was part of a group and could use my perceived “peer pressure” to keep on with the process). I wanted to experience the “bliss” or meditation but could hardly sit still. I felt such discomfort in my sternum and exactly opposite it on my back that I wanted to crack my spine to alleviate the pressure. My instructor told me the discomfort I was experiencing was from my heart charka trying to open. In an attempt to alleviate the pressure I began to sit for portions of my meditation in reverse prayer position. This posture helped to align my spine and straighten my back, and as I continued this practice I also began to notice the emotional aspects of my heart begin to balance. From one perspective I was learning to become ‘selfish’ by putting my own needs of healing first. I stopped worrying about everyone else and the desire to try to help and fix them and focused on helping and fixing myself. I began to give from a space of love, not need or desire, just love AND more important I learned how to receive. I learned that my desire to want to help everyone needed to start with myself and being open to receive the love and help from others around me. When it comes down to it we are all simply energy and we are all connected…and in that most simple of concepts, if we are all connected than the best thing we can do is find the space in ourselves of an open and happy heart allowing our own bliss to be the vibration and energy we are sharing allowing others to match our state of well -being.

*Keep in mind the Reverse Prayer Pose should be avoided or modified by those that suffer from a wrist, shoulder or elbow injury. Always listen to your body!

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 Photo: valerielavigneyoga.tumblr.com/ I thought it would be nice to include a picture so I searched google images…and much to my surprise I found unexpected images… It seems that reverse prayer is a very popular bondage position – just a warning if you go searching for images!

Shedding the Serpent Skin

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📸 Taylor James (updated) 

When I came upon these words the metaphor had such profound meaning.  A beautiful, almost silent, click of recognition of a similar emotion felt along this meandering path of life.  Over the past few years, I have shed skin after skin, allowing for and calling in little ego deaths along the way, to find the space in the center of my heart that is connected to everything in the universe.  I have done this by removing the scaffolding of traumas, doubts, fears and other erroneous ideas.  Sometimes it was a gentle nudge and sometimes a violent explosion of transformation, but each one yielding to a truer, softer, more loving and compassionate me.

 “A change is taking place, some painful growth, as in a snake during the shedding of skin-dull, irritable, without appetite, dragging around the stale shreds of a former life, near-blinded by the old dead skin on the new eye.  It is difficult to adjust because I do not know who is adjusting; I am no longer that old person and not yet the new.”  (Peter Matthiessen, Nine-Headed Dragon River)

I came across these words with perfect timing being an observer of the transformative process of Yoga Teacher Training at Present Moment Retreat where I was working.   Knowing the curriculum and the work that can come from spiritual study, reflecting on a yogic life, living in this magical town at the beach (where I am fortunate to witness beautiful healing and transformation on a regular basis.) and most certainly connecting to the shamanic perspectives of healing, Matthiessen’s words were particularly poignant.  The group begins with the energies of the Serpent, releasing the old creating space for the new. 

Beginning the journey by calling in the strength of the Serpent and shedding the metaphoric skins that IF we are to grow we must transform through and discard.  Releasing old thoughts, patterns, beliefs or energies that no longer serve us for a new Self, ready to emerge and take on the next phase.  What resonates most today is not the truth in Matthiessens’s words but in that we must also remember that this is a natural process.  Nothing stays the same, change is the one constant and for snake the process is clearly physical. Perhaps if this “shedding process” was visibly physical for humans too we would accept the reality of it more easily than when the energetic and emotional skins we are shedding towards our awakened self.   For the snake the process of sloughing off the skin is a simple aspect of nature.  Not much deliberation nor repressing the process on the snakes’ part and certainly no avoiding it.   

The process of shedding and transformation is a deeply personal one.  These words were a reminder for me to hold the space of compassion for all of the unseen changes of the process of awakening and evolution.  To give a silent boost of support for all that endeavor to transform and release their old in order to simply be whoever and whatever they are meant to in this present moment.

What is in your Bag?

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A few weeks back when I was still living in Mexico at Playa Troncones I had this lovely little moment. Now, I am back in Guatemala for rainy season and this is not quite as accurate…the flip flops sit near the door and sadly I put them or Wellies on when I have to go to town. But for a few magical months this was true and I look forward to the days it is again.

*********April 26, 2013
The funniest thought crossed my mind this morning when I simply reached to move my hand bag over. I quickly peered inside at the contents and wondered when did I become this person? Then the simultaneous thought I pondered was…I love that this is my life! Somehow, someway on this bizarrely magical adventure I have in fact become THIS person.What's in your bag?

Contents of my hand bag:

Pair of flip flops – because barefoot is better.  It needs to be said that every time I put them on I grimace and complain that I have to put on shoes.

Pen, wallet, SPF lip balm – all self-explanatory.

Acupuncture press on seeds – you never know…sometimes you can’t just needle someone on the fly, but seeds come in handy.

Eyelash Glue – The stuff you use to put on fake eyelashes…just in case I need to glue a crystal to my third eye for a meditation (Really.) And it stays in my hand bag not because of its frequency of use but because I truly cannot decide if it is better suited at home or at work.

Inhaler – Don’t use it and never want to – but the girl scout in me is always prepared.

A beautiful wood compact mirror – a gift from friends years ago who said “our favorite thing is inside”…thanks ladies!

I’m a hands free kind of girl.  The best part is that my bag is huge, always ready to hold any shopping in town if necessary. Or even someone else’s shoes.

I think back on other hand bags that I’ve had in my life and that all seem like that were more functional, or at least they were for that time.  There is a quiet pleasure that I can take knowing that when I think about where my shoes are, and I do often, they are in my handbag.  It usually makes me giggle.  I suppose that having my shoes in my bag is the first step of a process.  I think the next place I would like to get to is where I don’t even think about where my shoes might be any more.  Either I don’t care or I just know they are in my bag without the wonder or the thought at all.  And the step after that one would be where I stop going to places that require shoes at all…thus emptying my bag of part of it’s contents.   I am so grateful to be in a beautiful place and can enjoy a barefoot walk to work with the sea lapping at my feet, water and sand between my toes.  Life is Good!